If you follow my quarterly goal reviews, you know one of my goals is to lose weight. A pound a month until I’m down to 190 pounds at the end of the year. I generally just watch what I eat during the week and ease up to enjoy the weekends. As part of my routine, I weigh myself every day to track my progress. I’ve found that I usually gain a pound or two on the weekends, but lose it again during the week.
But here are three weight loss methods I would NOT recommend:
NUMBER THREE: COLONOSCOPY
I had one last week. The prep for it is worse than the procedure – you’re asleep for the procedure. But the day before, you have to not eat anything. The only thing I could have was clear liquids, which for me was water and Sprite.
Then, starting at 6:00 pm, you have to drink a cup of this special liquid they give you. That doesn’t sound so bad – until you realize you have to drink a cup every FIFTEEN minutes until you get through three liters. It takes about three hours. About 45 minutes in, the flushing out of your intestines starts. I don’t want to be gross, but Niagara Falls comes to mind. Then, at 4:00 in the morning of the procedure, you have to drink another liter. Between that and not eating for a day and a half, I lost 2.4 pounds.
Clean bill of health on that, by the way.
NUMBER TWO: AN UNDIGESTED BIT OF BEEF
My colonoscopy was Thursday. Friday morning, I still couldn’t drive, so I stayed home from work. It seems I am very sensitive to anesthesia. This also seems to have affected my digestive system. Saturday morning, I was in our church kitchen helping to get ready for our annual Men’s Barbeque. I had two slices of tri-tip. They didn’t go down, they got stuck in my esophagus. I felt them stuck in there. I couldn’t move them down into my stomach or throw them up. I felt so bad, I had to miss the barbeque. I couldn’t eat or even get down a sip of water. This went on for THIRTEEN HOURS until I was able to throw one of them up. But it wasn’t until 4:00 pm today that the other one finally went down. So far, I lost two pounds. It might be more when I weigh myself tomorrow morning.
AND THE NUMBER ONE WEIGHT NOT TO LOSE WEIGHT: KIDNEY STONES
I wasn’t weighing myself the two times I had kidney stones, but for the three or four days I had them, I ate very little. I don’t know how many pounds I lost, but my pants did fit looser.
Do not try these methods to lose weight!
Dennis
173rd blog completed.
First Steampunk novel: 74406 words. <– Past 74,000. Goal: 80,000.
Second Steampunk novel: 783 words.
Second Steampunk screenplay: 157 pages.
First Steampunk screenplay: Need to update with notes from the novelization.
Third Steampunk screenplay: 38 pages.
“The Attack of the Killer Copiers”